Nice Rack!

Hey, I was referring to the rack of lamb...what were you thinking?

I wanted to start with the food topic that ultimately started the whole blowout.

Late lunch (3 pm) and return to the house around 5:30, nobody was really hungry, especially not "his majesty". How do I know? I asked. Repeatedly. Offered multiple times to get cheese and crackers or some other appetizer for him but was told "I'm not hungry yet."

Then 8 pm rolls around. He demands that I cook him rack of lamb, since I haven't in a while.

Let's start with the obvious - we had none in the house. That meant that someone would have to go buy it, and the only place I knew that consistently carried a quality rack of lamb was Sam's Club - an hour round trip and already closed for the night.

To prepare it properly, it should marinate for at least an hour, which would have put dinner close to 10 pm. Not marinating it would have meant that he would go on a rant about how I "didn't cook well".

I had already had a Margarita, and he was three very strong Negronis in (two of which I had made for him so he wouldn't have to get up). I told him that I wasn't going to drive anywhere after drinking (because at least one of us has never had a DWI and doesn't want to start now).

And so began his rant and rave, which included the "She never cooked."

So apparently the leprechauns were the ones who made the Eggs Benedict which you were served at least once a week.

And the fairies made the butternut squash soup on at least three occasions.

And the mermaids made the key lime pie with homemade crust.

And the gnomes made the schnitzel, with mushroom gravy.

And the pixies cooked the pancakes at least once a week.

And the gremlins made the asiago/spinach/artichoke dip.

And the chupacabra made the pico de gallo.

And the brownies made the rack of lamb.

And the longana made the tiramusu.

And the elves made the omelettes.

If you comment with more names of mythical creatures, I will be able to give you more and more examples of items that I "didn't cook".

And regarding cooking rules? Apparently the rule was that nobody was to be on the sink/stove side of the kitchen island while he was cooking.

In his consistent hypocrisy, RPigM never followed the rule himself when someone else was cooking.

I can't even count the number of times that he would park his stool in the middle of that side of the island while I was preparing meals that he demanded, forcing me to walk around him.

He would also do this to friends of his who were trying to prep dishes that he had asked them to bring for his "parties".

As an adjunct to all of this, it was also my job to make sure that ingredients were available for many of the items that I prepared, as well as items that he cooked.

That required me stopping at the produce stand and the grocery stores about three times as often as he did, and on my own dime.

What would I know, though, I "never cooked".